thought#12

'i like studying faces in the parking lot because it doesn't remind me of anything'
doesn't remind me is one of the best songs of chris cornell. the lyrics are simple and beautiful. what he actually tries to tell is that those little things remind him of a lot, there are things that remind him of things and of people he wants to forget. they remind him of, in his own words,
"things that i've loved, the things that i've lost,
things i've held sacred, that i've dropped"
just acknowledging the fact that he ever had something worth losing is so painful, he finds solace in his denial. but no matter how hard he tries, he still can't let go. he keeps doing stuff that 'doesn't remind him of anything'. just try to understand the deeper meanings of these lines-

The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget

Bend and shape me

I love the way you are
Slow and sweetly

Like never before
Calm and sleeping
We won't stir up the past
So discretely
We won't look back

thought#11

why do we idolize moviestars, sportstars, and celebrities? and why do we go to any lengths to defend them in heated arguments, appreciate their slightest gestures, find class and style in their smallest movements, go around dishing amazing facts about them, try to know the minutest details of their life, well practically worship them? it probably is our subconscious acceptance of the fact that they have, in a particular field, achieved a level which we can only dream of. i repeat.our fanaticism isn't due to the fact that they are good, it is due to the fact that we can never be that good. it is our way of expressing that we would always be ordinary. that's the reason people like paris hilton have a following. it's just because she is not ordinary, well at least socially and financially if not in skills. and perhaps the band t-shirts hanging in my almirah suggest that a part of me accepts that i am not extraordinary.
what makes celebrities, anyway? they are in a way doing something at which they are good, that essentially is due to their genetic makeup, and are where they are right now is a result of circumstances and events following a complex pattern in the right way leading up to current state of affairs. the result is of course, what we term as their genius. true, they are hardworking, but even that is in their genetic makeup .they are then, in terms of statistics, 'one in a million' due to fact that their success is a result of combination of various independent factors, all of them interfering with each other in such a way that they make them what they are. we too are what these factors and circumstances make us, albeit not as entertaining or interesting as our idols. they are good at something which looks good and feels good.

that's why fields medal winners aren't celebrities. what they are good at isn't appealing to the masses. the sad thing is, a man's credibility comes from his awards and medals.

thought#10

bell curve- it is an example of how there emerges a pattern in every chaotic, evasive phenomenon. there are countless natural processes which follow the format of standard deviation from a mean value- the radiation of a blackbody, outcomes of non deterministic experiments, diffraction and interference patterns, iq tests, even the results of polls of the general masses on random topics. i had an interesting thought in this regard. on plotting the level of human intellectual achievement with respect to the time since civilization, we get a bell curve, with us having just crossed the peak-that being the era of Einstein. all most all of the greatest in their respective fields were in and around that period. the most significant events in modern human history took place during that period. i mean just look at all these names- m.k.Gandhi, Einstein, betrand Russel, Wittgenstein, Fermi, neitzeche, Charlie Chaplin, Feynman, Oppenheimer, Heisenberg, Freud, mark twain-these are only some of the names i remember when looked this up in a time line. the list is endless. true, great work has been ever since, but nothing compares to the pioneering work done in those times. it is like this-the downward slope we are on after the 'peak' is still higher than other points, but not quite as same as the peak.that was the period to live in. that was the period to be a part of the amazement at the momentous leaps of mankind. to be there at the 'peak'. i am quite sure it was our peak. how, otherwise can u explain the fact that two of the people most likely to win the man of the millennium were contemporaries-mere coincidence?

so if that is so, will we never, ever find a g.u.t, or the perfect machine or see the future as we are rapidly falling away from the peak? i don't know. what i do know and firmly believe is that the g.u.t. whenever it is discovered, will never be as beautiful as relativity. likewise for other things.

thought#9

it was a lot better when people used to dislike me.

thought#8

all our lives are voids. at least i know mine is. we try to fill these voids with friends, relationships, happiness, accomplishments, well, loads of stuff. but friends leave u, relationships break, happiness goes, accomplishments fade away. but what i can think of, what i can conceive, invent or discover will always stay with me. so i choose to fill my void with these. i am just looking for something to fill my void, but,i am so empty. my life has never made any sense to me, and no matter how hard i try, how hard i look, i never find a purpose, a meaning , a reason for my existence.

thought#7

why do i find it easier to connect to fictional characters than real ones?

thought#6

i don't know what to do with my project. should be working but have too many issues on my mind.

thought#6

now everybody likes me 'coz they've discovered that i am intelligent. so damn irritating.

thought#5

METALLICA is awesome
my favourite ones are-fadetoblack
unforgiven
unforgivenII
untilitsleeps
one
entersandman
forwhomthebelltolls
masterofpuppets
orion
turnthepage
callofkthulu
lepermessiah
harvesterofsorrow
fourhorsemen
whiskeyinthejar
tuesday'sgone
don'ttreadonme
diediemydarling
memoryremains
welcomehome
frayedendsofsanity

thought#4

this is fucking cool.i keep writing crap to people who don't give a crap, assuming someone's reading.

thought#3

blackhole sun won't you come and wash away the rain
blackhole sun won't you come
won't you come