thought#13

why do i always have to pretend that i don't care about things i care so much about? why don't i ever have the guts to do the right thing? i am such a coward i can't even accept that something or someone actually means something to me. because accepting that would mean that it would hurt when that person or thing goes away. and i have lost so many things and so many people that meant something to me that i simply can't...... i am just so afraid of letting anyone in. oh who am i kidding? the only truth is that these are ridiculous rationalizations. i am just a screwed up asshole who can't get his priorities right.